A dear friend of mine told me once that a mother's happiness quotient was only that of the most unhappy of her children. And she was correct. Today I am hurting for one of my children in the most deep and painful ways. One of my children is facing tough todays and tomorrows and I so want to help...but I can not. I would love to shelter each of my children from all hurts and unhappiness but that is not the way to help them through these times. One only grows when one faces and conquers the problems that are the reality of day to day. In an ideal world, all would be fair and everyone would always succeed at all that they did. In an ideal world, no one would ever be hurt. No one would ever have a broken heart or have failed dreams. The path taken would always be the correct one and the outcome of all situations would be the best of results!! I would love to live in that world.
Reality is never as pretty as I want it to be. But, better to face the unpleasantness and get on with the dance. I am happy that I face these issues and discuss them. As we say in our family, we not only discuss a problem, we dissect it and beat it to a pulp. When we have finally "chewed it all that we can" then we move on. So.... today, I am mentally chewing the gristle of the problem facing my child and deciding that I am almost ready to spit it out. I have chewed all angles and gotten all the benefits of the situation "laid out" and I am ready to "let go and let God" handle the rest.
Glad that I woke up today and decided that this would be a problem I would address. I will help make that child have the faith in themself to get through this time and to see the better path that will develop from this turmoil. There is always a reason that one is faced by these issues and the story that will evolve will show us the why when we need to see it.
A better day will be on the horizon.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sometimes a Voice is all you Need
Today I got a telephone call from my closest friend and just the sound of her voice and the tone of her laughter made my day. I've often wondered why a voice can so determine one's opinion of another person. It has always been my experience that I'm attracted to a certain type of voice and so influenced by the tenor and cadence of someone's speech. I love the wonderful sound of a soft melodic voice and immediately trust that person with my most inner thoughts. A loud and clipped voice is not as pleasing to me and I have a tendency to be more reticent in my approach to that individual. I adore a deep and resonnant voice and find a Lauren Bacall type of tone most appealing in women.
How funny it is that one is so attracted to a voice but I am a sucker for a voice. I don't even need to know what they say....just the sound of their speech is my determining factor. I must have found bonding in voices when I was a child or even when I was a baby. Maybe that is why they say that a child always knows the sound of it's mother -- even at birth.
What a great gift the sense of hearing is. And it is one that I rarely explore. Without the joy of hearing, I'm not sure that I would appreciate as much as I do. Even the smallest of sounds is something that I love. At the moment it is snowing and I stood outside just a moment ago and listened to the snow .... a mere rustle but a "soft" and quiet sound. It makes the snow even more beautiful-- like a blanket of pure softness.
And that sense has made me very happy today. I am watching and listening to an amazing snowfall, and I have heard the voice of a wonderful friend who is with me even at a distance and I never feel alone.
How funny it is that one is so attracted to a voice but I am a sucker for a voice. I don't even need to know what they say....just the sound of their speech is my determining factor. I must have found bonding in voices when I was a child or even when I was a baby. Maybe that is why they say that a child always knows the sound of it's mother -- even at birth.
What a great gift the sense of hearing is. And it is one that I rarely explore. Without the joy of hearing, I'm not sure that I would appreciate as much as I do. Even the smallest of sounds is something that I love. At the moment it is snowing and I stood outside just a moment ago and listened to the snow .... a mere rustle but a "soft" and quiet sound. It makes the snow even more beautiful-- like a blanket of pure softness.
And that sense has made me very happy today. I am watching and listening to an amazing snowfall, and I have heard the voice of a wonderful friend who is with me even at a distance and I never feel alone.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Chocolate and Eggs
I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas. I especially love eating at Christmas and most especially, Christmas cookies and candy. Imagine my surprise ( and dismay) when my allergy consultant called with the results of a recent blood test to determine the extent of my food allergies. I was not surprised by some of the results and expected most, but when the last two allergies were listed, I stopped short. "Chocolate... AND EGGS??" You have got to be kidding. The negative response to this query from the unsuspecting nurse was certainly a nail in the coffin of any sweetaholic -- and especially mine. And, of course this news had to be delivered at the beginning of December --before I had even gotten a taste of what I had awaited since December of last year--THE CHRISTMAS TREE ICED COOKIE.
This is another moment of growing where you are planted. I have been trying to get through this particular road block and look at the positive. The one bright spot I had was given to me when I called my friend to tell her and her response was, "thank god it wasn't gummie bears!" And I was forced to agree as gummie bears have become a basic food group for me!
So, as the Christmas season comes to a close and I only have a few more days to look at all the cookies I baked...yes I did bake -- and I have JUST looked-- I can look forward to a new year of gummies -- bears, fish, life safers, jolly rogers, etc. There are quite a few varieties and I can have them all! I have certainly grown with this one!!
Who cares about chocolate anyway? And who needs eggs? Beside the fact that both are in most every thing we eat.....who needs it! And anyway, maybe this will be the perfect diet for a new year!
Love to you and Merry Christmas!
This is another moment of growing where you are planted. I have been trying to get through this particular road block and look at the positive. The one bright spot I had was given to me when I called my friend to tell her and her response was, "thank god it wasn't gummie bears!" And I was forced to agree as gummie bears have become a basic food group for me!
So, as the Christmas season comes to a close and I only have a few more days to look at all the cookies I baked...yes I did bake -- and I have JUST looked-- I can look forward to a new year of gummies -- bears, fish, life safers, jolly rogers, etc. There are quite a few varieties and I can have them all! I have certainly grown with this one!!
Who cares about chocolate anyway? And who needs eggs? Beside the fact that both are in most every thing we eat.....who needs it! And anyway, maybe this will be the perfect diet for a new year!
Love to you and Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Had a Great Day
The day began with the giggle of my grandson which is recorded in a card that I keep on the counter. His voice and laughter make every day the perfect day. I love to hear my name, "Marnie" while he laughs. I am so lucky to be a Marnie. It made me think of all the names I have had over the years and I realized that I have traveled a long long way on the path of names.
I began with three names -- Margaret Ann Simon. Fairly straightforward and not too exciting. I always think of this name as the standard one given to a child who is not too good looking and probably nothing special. As you can probably guess, I never really liked my name. Margaret Ann reminded me of Dennis the Menaces Girlfriend and since she was soooo very unattractive, I never felt good about it. I was nicknamed Marnie by my grandmothers and cousins and always enjoyed it but never wanted my classmates or "the outside world" to call me this for it reminded me of the character "Marnie" in Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds." And the nickname of Margie was reminiscent of the television show "My Little Margie" so that too became taboo! So, without much thought, I decided that Margy (pronounced Mar gee) would be much preferable and I announced it to my teacher in the fourth grade. I have been Margy ever since.
That worked well for me and I loved being known as this. No one ever associated me with Margaret Ann again. I think that I grew into this name and thought of myself as being more attractive because of the name. When we moved to Belgium, I was no longer even remembered as Margaret Ann and became merely Margy Simon -- the cheerleader, honors society president, class secretary, field hockey team member, track team member, thesbian (not a great one) and every other extra-curricular activity that one could have in our school. For the six years I attended the International School of Bruxelles, I was Margy. I loved that life.
I then went to college, Mount Holyoke College to be exact, and became Margy Simon -- the ivy league student. This Margy was a math major, hard worker, not particularly an extra-curricular activity type of person and one who did not date. I actually became a small fish in that pond and assumed a quiet personna. But, I was still Margy. I was still a single, unique person with my own "solo" agenda.
Then came Wally and after three days, and three months, we were married and I became Margaret Ann Simon Darneille aka Margy Darneille and then I was two. I was not just Margy, but I was a wife. I was Wally's partner and my personna has never been unique again. I then became Wally's wife and Jason, Meredith, Jenny & Marshall's mom and now I am Marshall Camp's Marnie. While being a wife, mom, grandmom, I have also been a Professional Fund-Raiser, member of the Junior League, Executive Director of the Business Committee for the Arts, Executive Director of the Montgomery Zoo Campaign, Development Director for AmTech corporation, Office Manager for Interior Concepts, and Independent Fund-Raising Consultant. I am a marathon runner, exercise officianado, gym rat and generally a hyper-active type of individual. All this to say, I wonder when we come into this world and are given a name, how many names or titles we will have when we reach a certain age? How will this define the person your are or do you define the title you are given?
I began this muse because I was thinking about one's definition in any given situation. When I was a mom of at home children and younger children, my friends were easy to determine. Other moms of at home children and younger children -- each with their own little person or little people. When I was working, I was friends with like people in the profession. When I was volunteering, I was friends with other volunteers; while running, other runners were my partners in crime. So, when I moved to Lubbock, I realized that I was no longer a "mom" -- in terms of my day to day involvement, I was no longer working, my running was solo, and my only remaining "title" was Mrs. to Mr. Darneille. It made making new friends more challenging as I had never had to do this before. Now, mind you, this is not impossible, but I had approached a new learning curve and I was on the upward path in the process. Five years into the journey, I am "getting" where I was and how I have gotten to where I am. I am going to do a more pro-active outreach and become a person of other "titles" and seek like-minded souls in this process.
I think that the aging process is something that I am addressing. We all go through life and enjoy the various stages of our day to day: adolescent madness, collegiant intellectualism, early marriage excitment, parenthood and grandparenthood. Each phase has its root in the next and we are all tied to the past in preparing for the future. We grow by accepting the end of an era and gain great independence by greeting the future with open arms.
I am greeting my future today. With the laughter of my grandson to lead me on that path.
I began with three names -- Margaret Ann Simon. Fairly straightforward and not too exciting. I always think of this name as the standard one given to a child who is not too good looking and probably nothing special. As you can probably guess, I never really liked my name. Margaret Ann reminded me of Dennis the Menaces Girlfriend and since she was soooo very unattractive, I never felt good about it. I was nicknamed Marnie by my grandmothers and cousins and always enjoyed it but never wanted my classmates or "the outside world" to call me this for it reminded me of the character "Marnie" in Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds." And the nickname of Margie was reminiscent of the television show "My Little Margie" so that too became taboo! So, without much thought, I decided that Margy (pronounced Mar gee) would be much preferable and I announced it to my teacher in the fourth grade. I have been Margy ever since.
That worked well for me and I loved being known as this. No one ever associated me with Margaret Ann again. I think that I grew into this name and thought of myself as being more attractive because of the name. When we moved to Belgium, I was no longer even remembered as Margaret Ann and became merely Margy Simon -- the cheerleader, honors society president, class secretary, field hockey team member, track team member, thesbian (not a great one) and every other extra-curricular activity that one could have in our school. For the six years I attended the International School of Bruxelles, I was Margy. I loved that life.
I then went to college, Mount Holyoke College to be exact, and became Margy Simon -- the ivy league student. This Margy was a math major, hard worker, not particularly an extra-curricular activity type of person and one who did not date. I actually became a small fish in that pond and assumed a quiet personna. But, I was still Margy. I was still a single, unique person with my own "solo" agenda.
Then came Wally and after three days, and three months, we were married and I became Margaret Ann Simon Darneille aka Margy Darneille and then I was two. I was not just Margy, but I was a wife. I was Wally's partner and my personna has never been unique again. I then became Wally's wife and Jason, Meredith, Jenny & Marshall's mom and now I am Marshall Camp's Marnie. While being a wife, mom, grandmom, I have also been a Professional Fund-Raiser, member of the Junior League, Executive Director of the Business Committee for the Arts, Executive Director of the Montgomery Zoo Campaign, Development Director for AmTech corporation, Office Manager for Interior Concepts, and Independent Fund-Raising Consultant. I am a marathon runner, exercise officianado, gym rat and generally a hyper-active type of individual. All this to say, I wonder when we come into this world and are given a name, how many names or titles we will have when we reach a certain age? How will this define the person your are or do you define the title you are given?
I began this muse because I was thinking about one's definition in any given situation. When I was a mom of at home children and younger children, my friends were easy to determine. Other moms of at home children and younger children -- each with their own little person or little people. When I was working, I was friends with like people in the profession. When I was volunteering, I was friends with other volunteers; while running, other runners were my partners in crime. So, when I moved to Lubbock, I realized that I was no longer a "mom" -- in terms of my day to day involvement, I was no longer working, my running was solo, and my only remaining "title" was Mrs. to Mr. Darneille. It made making new friends more challenging as I had never had to do this before. Now, mind you, this is not impossible, but I had approached a new learning curve and I was on the upward path in the process. Five years into the journey, I am "getting" where I was and how I have gotten to where I am. I am going to do a more pro-active outreach and become a person of other "titles" and seek like-minded souls in this process.
I think that the aging process is something that I am addressing. We all go through life and enjoy the various stages of our day to day: adolescent madness, collegiant intellectualism, early marriage excitment, parenthood and grandparenthood. Each phase has its root in the next and we are all tied to the past in preparing for the future. We grow by accepting the end of an era and gain great independence by greeting the future with open arms.
I am greeting my future today. With the laughter of my grandson to lead me on that path.
Monday, December 21, 2009
It is a Monday
The day began just as all Mondays begin. I wake up, work out and fill my day with any errands or "necessaries" that have cropped up on my daily planner. However, today, as I continue on my growing journey I decided to really look at my world. This morning, I noticed that the geese that seem to be circling the skies in perpetuity were really quite noisy. Their sounds filled the morning air and brought a sense of life to the quiet. Their vee's cut amazing lines in the orange sunrise and made what is really a very monotonous vista more geometric. I have tried over these past five years to put Georgia O'Keefe in my head and have her sense of the colors translate into my brain. I sense that this scene was one such example of her excitement in the landscape of this country. I discovered that she lived for a time in Lubbock, Texas, and studied and taught here. The home in which she lived is near the university and is every bit the home of an artist -- since past but the structure still bearing the mien of an artist. For the briefest of moments, this landscape spoke to me. And I have made this my growing point for today.
I think that for the most part, I must be like most people -- so intent on my routine that I forget to stop and look or listen. Even a totally blank wall can be interesting with a shadow cast upon it by a passing glimpse of sunshine. So, as I write, I am watching the dead leaves in the tree outside of my window shake in the wind and give life to the branches upon which they are attached. The sky is a light blue with wisps of clouds that seem to sit, unmoving in the distance. I am taking that moment to look at where I am and see it. Really look at it. Now, so much is still not my idea of beautiful, but it is not without redeeming features.
While in class this morning, I concentrated on my instructor and had the best time listening to her upbeat directions and stories, all the while lifting her arms and kicking her legs. What a great spirit she brought to what could be considered "drugery"! I decided to take that spirit with me today and make even "going to the grocery store" an exciting time. When you smile, everything is better.
Now this is very easy at this particular time. Christmas is a time of smiles and happiness. The music brings such great joy to all. The decorations are inspiring and the "Christmas Spirit of Giving" is felt by all. So, I do take this as another inspiration in my day and I am definitely using it!
If I could bottle this spirit, I would keep it on hand for the darker days that come at times. But, these days are important too - for the bad days make you appreciate the good ones even more. So, on day two of my journey, I have begun to take a chance and stop a moment. I have begun to look at, really look at what surrounds me. I will look beyond something and see what lies beneath -- that is to say, there must be more than meets the eye!
I want to smile when I see someone and really mean it. Reaching out with my heart as well as my mind will help me get those roots -- in any place I am planted. It can be a city, a town, a house, a room, an office, a street corner, and anyplace in between. Grow when you breathe. Grown when you wake and continue to grow with every hour your are blessed to be alive.
For today, I am trying. And it is just Monday....
I think that for the most part, I must be like most people -- so intent on my routine that I forget to stop and look or listen. Even a totally blank wall can be interesting with a shadow cast upon it by a passing glimpse of sunshine. So, as I write, I am watching the dead leaves in the tree outside of my window shake in the wind and give life to the branches upon which they are attached. The sky is a light blue with wisps of clouds that seem to sit, unmoving in the distance. I am taking that moment to look at where I am and see it. Really look at it. Now, so much is still not my idea of beautiful, but it is not without redeeming features.
While in class this morning, I concentrated on my instructor and had the best time listening to her upbeat directions and stories, all the while lifting her arms and kicking her legs. What a great spirit she brought to what could be considered "drugery"! I decided to take that spirit with me today and make even "going to the grocery store" an exciting time. When you smile, everything is better.
Now this is very easy at this particular time. Christmas is a time of smiles and happiness. The music brings such great joy to all. The decorations are inspiring and the "Christmas Spirit of Giving" is felt by all. So, I do take this as another inspiration in my day and I am definitely using it!
If I could bottle this spirit, I would keep it on hand for the darker days that come at times. But, these days are important too - for the bad days make you appreciate the good ones even more. So, on day two of my journey, I have begun to take a chance and stop a moment. I have begun to look at, really look at what surrounds me. I will look beyond something and see what lies beneath -- that is to say, there must be more than meets the eye!
I want to smile when I see someone and really mean it. Reaching out with my heart as well as my mind will help me get those roots -- in any place I am planted. It can be a city, a town, a house, a room, an office, a street corner, and anyplace in between. Grow when you breathe. Grown when you wake and continue to grow with every hour your are blessed to be alive.
For today, I am trying. And it is just Monday....
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Day One of Growing Where I am Planted
Each year I become nostalgic when December 1st looms on the calendar. I always vow that the next year will bring amazing dynamics in my life and I will ride the wave of new discovery. Ironically, this December I was in a yoga class and during the relaxation period our leader spoke the following words: "We must always look around us and grow where we are planted." Somehow that phrase stuck with me and I have thought of it frequently during the past three weeks.
I am a transplant. Five years ago, I left my home, children (all adult), friends, and my life as I knew it and moved with my husband to a new location for a career opportunity for him. I moved without hestitation because prior to my marriage, I had lived overseas and in other locations due to my father's occupation. I felt that I could adjust anywhere -- in fact, I prided myself on this ability. However, upon closing up "shop" so to speak, I moved in to a place so unfamiliar to me that I lost all hope of handling this transition with any sort of grace. As I moved my furniture into my new house, I became more and more convinced that this would never be my home.
Although I joined a gym immediately, made myself known to all who would look my way, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. Having lived in Montgomery, Alabama for 30 plus years left me ill prepared for life in West Texas -- specifically, Lubbock, Texas. The geography was something that I had only seen on moon shots -- flat, brown and fairly bleak. The green and leafy scenery that I had taken for granted was gone. I thought that I could certainly become an officianato of the "desert foliage" -- I could become the next Martha Stewart of the cacti culture. To no avail -- the first thing that occurred, just after moving, was my first exposure to the amazing "dust storm". For those of you who have never witnessed this, imagine a wall appearing on your horizon. It moves ever so closer to you and becomes darker as it appears. It then covers your home, street, avenues, town and there is no visibility -- at all. And it is entirely composed of dirt. If you are outside, your mouth becomes filled with dust and breathing is a new found olympic sport.
The weather phenomena only became more bizzare. Following this, I was attacked by a ten foot tumble weed. It was larger than my car and bounced on the ground like a tennis ball. Then came the rain -- filled with the dust and we had raining mud.
I became housebound for fear that I would be taken away by some large flying bird or insect that must surely live in that air space. So..... for the past five years, I have been traveling, traveling, traveling. I have returned home to stay with my children. I have planned destination weddings, welcomed my first grandchild, helped with family traumas, lived in suitcases, vacationed and basically "run like the wind" from all forms of the life I have where I currently reside.
So this year, I have decided to grow where I am planted and to take each day of the next year and find something amazing in the life I lead. I am going to take a moment to appreciate something in my day that is unusual, exciting, touching, unforgettable or forgettable, and most of all appreciate each day as if comes and become a more thankful person for those gifts that are in my day.
I want to share this with my family, friends, acquaintances, and anyone who might want to read about this journey, for I think that this is a journey we all are making. I want to become a better appreciator. I've always thought of myself as a grand appreciator. I have very few talents, but I so love to appreciate the accomplishments of those around me. So for today, I will appreciate that I am appreciating and will appreciate in a far more appreciative way than I have appreciated in the past. At least, I have said this several times and this should stick with me.
I can't believe that I have started this blog. I have great faith that this will help me in my day. I hope that you might find it somewhat interesting.
So for today, I will begin growing where I am planted.
I am a transplant. Five years ago, I left my home, children (all adult), friends, and my life as I knew it and moved with my husband to a new location for a career opportunity for him. I moved without hestitation because prior to my marriage, I had lived overseas and in other locations due to my father's occupation. I felt that I could adjust anywhere -- in fact, I prided myself on this ability. However, upon closing up "shop" so to speak, I moved in to a place so unfamiliar to me that I lost all hope of handling this transition with any sort of grace. As I moved my furniture into my new house, I became more and more convinced that this would never be my home.
Although I joined a gym immediately, made myself known to all who would look my way, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. Having lived in Montgomery, Alabama for 30 plus years left me ill prepared for life in West Texas -- specifically, Lubbock, Texas. The geography was something that I had only seen on moon shots -- flat, brown and fairly bleak. The green and leafy scenery that I had taken for granted was gone. I thought that I could certainly become an officianato of the "desert foliage" -- I could become the next Martha Stewart of the cacti culture. To no avail -- the first thing that occurred, just after moving, was my first exposure to the amazing "dust storm". For those of you who have never witnessed this, imagine a wall appearing on your horizon. It moves ever so closer to you and becomes darker as it appears. It then covers your home, street, avenues, town and there is no visibility -- at all. And it is entirely composed of dirt. If you are outside, your mouth becomes filled with dust and breathing is a new found olympic sport.
The weather phenomena only became more bizzare. Following this, I was attacked by a ten foot tumble weed. It was larger than my car and bounced on the ground like a tennis ball. Then came the rain -- filled with the dust and we had raining mud.
I became housebound for fear that I would be taken away by some large flying bird or insect that must surely live in that air space. So..... for the past five years, I have been traveling, traveling, traveling. I have returned home to stay with my children. I have planned destination weddings, welcomed my first grandchild, helped with family traumas, lived in suitcases, vacationed and basically "run like the wind" from all forms of the life I have where I currently reside.
So this year, I have decided to grow where I am planted and to take each day of the next year and find something amazing in the life I lead. I am going to take a moment to appreciate something in my day that is unusual, exciting, touching, unforgettable or forgettable, and most of all appreciate each day as if comes and become a more thankful person for those gifts that are in my day.
I want to share this with my family, friends, acquaintances, and anyone who might want to read about this journey, for I think that this is a journey we all are making. I want to become a better appreciator. I've always thought of myself as a grand appreciator. I have very few talents, but I so love to appreciate the accomplishments of those around me. So for today, I will appreciate that I am appreciating and will appreciate in a far more appreciative way than I have appreciated in the past. At least, I have said this several times and this should stick with me.
I can't believe that I have started this blog. I have great faith that this will help me in my day. I hope that you might find it somewhat interesting.
So for today, I will begin growing where I am planted.
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