My World Just Crashed

In the course of our day to day, I think that we can become lethargic and so attuned to what we suppose is the norm that we can miss what is actually happening. I just found out that my husband has been living a very different life than the one I thought we had. He has "friends" who probably know the Wally Darneille that I once thought I knew. He has situations that lead people to look at him as a "solo" person as opposed to a married partner. My world has just crashed.

I don't quite know how I feel. Numb. I had so thought that when we moved to this place that we would be here as partners. We have family and a family that is ever growing. I have had a sense that we shared a love and commitment to this family. This allowed me to fully enjoy all that we have without worrying about my future with my husband. And I have been wrong.

I have been down this road before. I swore that I would not do it again. I am now asking myself the same questions that I asked then. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I go on? The feelings are the same. I feel inadequate. I feel betrayed and I feel so very alone.

I so wanted to believe him when he committed to me and swore that he would never betray me again. I have struggled through the healing and the regaining of trust. What an absolute waste of time.

I'm not sure where I will be ..... nor how I will get there. I know that I will survive. I will not allow anyone to destroy me again. I just wish that it did not hurt me so very much. The old "cracks in my heart" have become fractures.....