Days Past

It is hard to believe that forty years has passed since I graduated from high school -- actually it is forty one years and a few months. I still feel as if I am seventeen and the world is just opening up opportunities for me. I am still waiting to find my calling and define myself. And in all these forty one years, I have loved the journey and enjoyed my small successes. Although I am still learning, looking, and loving, it is a trip that makes the days so challenging and my life so fulfilled.

I have just returned from a reunion of my high school graduating class-- hence the recollection of forty one years ago. It was held in Ashville, North Carolina and we stayed at the Grove Park Inn. I actually love the city and have enjoyed the hospitality of the Grove Park in past days. It is lovely and this weekend captured the beauty of fall in North Carolina. As a backdrop, this offered a serenity that seemed to pervade this gathering of old friends.

When I arrived, I had a bit of nervousness. Would I recognize the people? Would I be recognized? The "what should I wear" questions had been answered but the "how will I feel" still remained a mystery. But as I walked into the room where the reception was held, I decided to let myself just experience the moment. I put at bay any anxiety or shyness and let my heart guide me. It was the right thing to do.

The first person I saw was Carol, the girl that I had reconnected with during the course of this summer. She was as pretty as I remembered her and smiled just as she had in our senior class cheerleading picture. I discovered that noone had really changed when you looked at their eyes and saw their smiles. The faces had grown more "distinguished" and our bodies saw the ravages of past follies but our "souls" as seen in our eyes and felt in our smiles remained the same. After that first sighting, the evening became a series of hugs, laughs, remember whens, and can you believes!

The weekend was a wonderful exchange of laughter and light. I walked away from the experience with a great sense of happiness -- that I had gone. That I had talked to my friends and reconnected in such a positive way. That I had renewed a commitment to "stay in touch" and that I had expanded my circle of aquaintances in such a way. I grew from this weekend and can bring that growth to my day to day.

The blessings that I received were so much greater than I had anticipated and I know that they will continue to serve me as the journey continues. Life is good!

I'm Back In Lubbock

I am so reminded of that cowboy song "Back in the Saddle Again" for I have returned to Lubbock after three months of living at Lake Martin, Alabama and Atlanta, Georgia, my homes and my heart. I arrived here after driving for eight hours from Hot Springs, Arkansas. That time gave me a period to contemplate the changing geography -- colors, folliage, sky, and air. It gave me the time to relish the happiness I had experienced over the past three months and to absorb the pure joy of all that I had. I tried to look forward and to trust that this was the path on which I was destined to tread. With a smile on my face, I made every effort to carry a happiness in my heart as I climbed the Cap Rock and drove the final 40 miles to my house.

It has been a week of reestablishing routines and missing all that I love. My children, my precious grand sons, my beautiful lake home and the new city that I would like to call my future home. I miss the smells of early morning and the music of the cicatas at night. At the moment, I am looking at the western sunrise -- blocked only by a rare branch of a lone tree in the horizon. The vista is something that people seem to fine awe inspiring. As odd as it may sound to some, I find this a lonely one. It is so vast as to be void of life. I marvel at how this expanse can be so devoid of the warmth of civilization -- homes, family, gardens, trees, city lights, and signs of community. I can honestly say that I am a city girl and find the closeness of other humans a comfort. The lack of "human presence" in a place leaves my heart aching. I love the bustle and the sounds of the city -- conversation and laughter are salvos to my soul. Living without these is difficult for me and finding a respite from my solitude something I must endeavor to do -- I am feeling a heaviness at the moment. The wings of my spirit have been clipped and I must reaclimate myself to this life I now lead and trust that tomorrow will bring a greater vision for my growth.

I am lucky to have been able to have these past few months to refuel my soul and to realize the creativity that I had thought was left for memories of past days. My blessings are great. My loves are dearly precious. My days will be better.