I'm Back In Lubbock

I am so reminded of that cowboy song "Back in the Saddle Again" for I have returned to Lubbock after three months of living at Lake Martin, Alabama and Atlanta, Georgia, my homes and my heart. I arrived here after driving for eight hours from Hot Springs, Arkansas. That time gave me a period to contemplate the changing geography -- colors, folliage, sky, and air. It gave me the time to relish the happiness I had experienced over the past three months and to absorb the pure joy of all that I had. I tried to look forward and to trust that this was the path on which I was destined to tread. With a smile on my face, I made every effort to carry a happiness in my heart as I climbed the Cap Rock and drove the final 40 miles to my house.

It has been a week of reestablishing routines and missing all that I love. My children, my precious grand sons, my beautiful lake home and the new city that I would like to call my future home. I miss the smells of early morning and the music of the cicatas at night. At the moment, I am looking at the western sunrise -- blocked only by a rare branch of a lone tree in the horizon. The vista is something that people seem to fine awe inspiring. As odd as it may sound to some, I find this a lonely one. It is so vast as to be void of life. I marvel at how this expanse can be so devoid of the warmth of civilization -- homes, family, gardens, trees, city lights, and signs of community. I can honestly say that I am a city girl and find the closeness of other humans a comfort. The lack of "human presence" in a place leaves my heart aching. I love the bustle and the sounds of the city -- conversation and laughter are salvos to my soul. Living without these is difficult for me and finding a respite from my solitude something I must endeavor to do -- I am feeling a heaviness at the moment. The wings of my spirit have been clipped and I must reaclimate myself to this life I now lead and trust that tomorrow will bring a greater vision for my growth.

I am lucky to have been able to have these past few months to refuel my soul and to realize the creativity that I had thought was left for memories of past days. My blessings are great. My loves are dearly precious. My days will be better.